|
|
![]()
70's Party
Just when you thought it was safe to throw out your platform shoes and bell
bottom pants - just when you thought natural fibers were the only way
to go, and right after you threw out your 8-track tapes... it's back.
That horrible decade of bad clothes, bad hair and even worse music.
The 70's. It used to be just a bad memory, but now it's the hottest
 retro-rage. It's everywhere;
dance clubs with disco as the theme, polyester clothes with ugly patterns
and worst of all...radio stations playing that horrible music all over
again. It's beyond us how one decade can be responsible for not only
Pink Floyd and the Police but such musical travesties as "Disco Duck"
and the Captain and Tinel.
However, we believe that when faced with something inevitable, no matter
how distasteful, it is best to embrace it. To do otherwise is subversive
and hence detrimental to the common good. Furthermore, if we can do
it, good god if U2 can do it, then so my friends can you! Throw a Disco
Party and stop being too cool for your own good. Besides, there's always
a bright side; even Sonny Bono got laid in the seventies!
So how does one throw a Disco Party? Well, you my friend have come to
the right place. First and foremost, let's run down the required inventory.
Once you have set your mind to throwing a Disco Party you will instantly
become in more dire need of a disco ball than you have ever needed anything
in your entire life. You simply MUST have at least one! Failure to procure
the aforementioned item will doom your gathering well before the first
chords of "Macho Man" resonates through your decidedly empty hall ways.
Moreover, if you do come up with a disco ball be aware that it will
not work without a spotlight. You see, the ball spins, the lights hits
it, wonderfully magical beams of light frolic upon your walls, yadda,
yadda, yadda... Everybody clear on that? Good, now we can proceed.
You may also wish, and notice we are now giving you an option from this
point on, to get yourself a few strobe lights of differing colors and
patterns. Both the lights and the balls should be placed around and
above an area cleared of obstruction and/or nuisance. This area should
be considered the "dance floor" and should not be confused with the
more contemporary clearing known as the "mosh pit". Dancing involves
rhythm, moshing involves deep rooted problems. Yes, very good. And now,
onward and upward...
Everyone must come dressed to nauseate. This means leisure suits, bell
bottoms, 12 inch
collars and lots and lots of chest hair for both men and women. Gold
chains and polyester baby, that's what its all about. Rent the movie
"Saturday Night Fever"or try to catch a few old episodes of "The Soul
Train!", they will explain all. In truth, about the only seventies fads
you don't want beyond your threshold are cocaine and herpes. Oh, you
won't want Denny Terrio rubbing himself on any of your furniture, either.
The most important thing, however, is of course the music. You must
play it loud. You must play it incessantly. You must instruct your Disc
Jockey to constantly yap things like "This is ABBA, and it's going out
to bobby's own little dancing queen, Pam. Forgive him baby, he knows
he done you wrong..." in as deep a voice as is humanly possible. The
following is a short list of musical possibilities:
Lastly, your guests must play along. They should act spacey, use super lame pick up lines revolving around astrological signs and bad moons rising, and chat about the relative merits of Gerald Ford and his place in history. They should ask one another questions, like"Do you think John Belushi will still be funny when he's 50?" Live it up, play it up, and please try not to throw up. With any luck, this fad will go the way of fads, and die a quiet death like the 70's should have.
So, until next time, this is Tim and Marc wishing you peace,love... and soul! You can bet all your money it's gonna be a stone gas honey! Music: Duh! Disco Baby! Gloria Gaynorn, ABBA, The BEE GEE's... you know the drill.
Location: A house with a large area that can be used as a dance floor is ideal. If you can hang a disco ball that's an added bonus.
Food: Finger food should be adequate. This isn't exactly a Tibetan monk party. Use your common sense, people ate the same food in the 70's as they do now!
Underwear: Polyester is not a material that breathes. If you want a pool of sweat in your pants then go ahead and use it... Otherwise, silk boxers and panties will do nicely.
|
Wizard of Oz
Jungle
Primitive Man (Caveman!)
Toga
Better Off Dead
Heaven and Hell
Around the World
Mud Wrestling
70's Party
Twister
Keg
Celebrity
Beach Party
Farm
Bonfire
Period
Naked Party
School Girl Party
|
